Book #9 Completed! "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" by John Berendt

I learned A LOT from this book! For example:

Witches love pork meat. The preferred dining choice of witches is pork meat, rice, potatoes, black-eyed peas, cornbread, lima beans, cabbage (all cooked in pork fat of course). Ergo, if I have ever called you a witch and you don't love these foods - I apologize because you apparently are not a witch.

Related - if I think of you as a witch in the future, know that in the mental picture not only will you be wearing the pointy hat but now you also will be eating the above meal. Just an FYI

But I learned more than just stuff about witches! I learned that the city of Savannah was saved from General Sherman's scorched earth march to the sea during the Civil War because they basically turned into France as the Union army approched and gave up. This saved Savannah from being burned to the ground like Atlanta was and caused the Union army to march further, to Charleston, and burn them to the ground! Nice huh?

Oh this book has everything! It starts with the creepy statue of the girl that is on the cover. I have decided that I am going to get a copy of this for my yard however Mit is less than sold on that idea. In the actual book there is a ecclectic cast of characters: a voodoo priestess, a rich older bisexual male, a young bisexual redneck male, a guy who just moves into empty houses and throws parties until he gets kicked out, a drag queen, and the list goes on and on. Outsisde of the voodoo lady, which is a bit creepy to me, they all are such interesting and vibrant characters that draw you into their paticular life story.

And it is set in Savannah. Savannah is on my list of Southern cities that I am going to go visit because it sounds so interesting. The problem that I have is Mit has repeatedly told me that if I go I am going alone because she is of the opinion that General Sherman was in fact a failure for he failed to burn all of the South to the ground and eradicate all semblence of Southern culture. Such a Yankee that girl is I tell you!

And, AND the book is a true story! AND there is a movie about it. AND (times three) almost everyone in this book spends all of their days drinking, which I think is awesome even though I don't have the fortitude for it anymore for I could tell you stories of the last time I really drank and they are not real flattering. Regardless, I am in awe of those who can drink like that.

Ergo, this book is pretty damn awesome and threfore I give it:

Vroom, Vroom, Vroom, Vroom (4 out of 5 "vroom"'s on the motorcycle scale of awesomeness)

Next up: "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" by Tucker Max (I have no idea how I am going to write a publically appropriate review for this book because it is @%#$@ HILLARIOUS!)

Book #8 Completed: "Sense and Sensibility" by Jane Austin

Mit warned me about this because she has been hearing me complain about this book for over a week. She told me I am going to catch hell from some people about how much I hate this book. I assume she is going to be right so I am giving her props ahead of time....

How in the hell is this book considered a classic or even one of the best books of all time?? I mean, I am sure it was popular back in the 1800's before toilet paper was invented but I am sure it was not because of the words on the pages. First - it is not necessary to use every word in the dictionary! I was like 30 pages into it and I was sure that one of her friends made a drunk challenge to her that she should write a book using each and every word in the dictionary and she sure tried to accept that challenge! Dear God!

Second, I hate this time period in history. It SOOOOOOOOO boring. I wanted to beat my head in with a tire iron every year in history class when we had to go over the American Revolution and the following 50 odd years. NOTHING HAPPENED! American history class should always start with the Civil War, unless you promise that you are going to spend a ridiculous amount of time talking about how Ben Franklin was a fall down skirt chasing drunk - then if that is the case I will share my valuable time with you.

Oh and the characters...ick! All the women ever do is talk about how much money prospective husbands have. Its "oh he is a fine match because he has 30000 and his twelvemonth income is like 800 so that will surely buy you two servants and a trusty mule" I ain't sayin she a golddigger but...well, if you listen to popular music you know the rest.

And how do you find prospective spouses by hanging out with them for like a week and suddenly you are engaged because SHE CUT OFF PART OF HER HAIR FOR YOU???? Seriously, these people needed more bars and possibly television.

The only redeeming thing about this book is that I thought it was cool how they referred to themselves as "I am 7 and 20 years old". This is how I plan on telling people my age.

Well, the best part of the book really was the last page - because it meant that it was over. Thank the man in the sky!!!

Oh and I have to rate this too huh? Ok well, Jane Austin, you get:

...............dead battery, bike won't start......... (on my Vroom scale of motorcycle awesomeness).

Next up: I figured I needed to be a lot dumber to offset the pollution of Jane Austin so I am currently working on "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" and "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil"

Book #7 Completed! "Logic" by Graham Priest

Woooooooooooooowwwwwwwwww! Seven whole books! I am shocked and amazed, as I am sure you all are too. A few of you probably didn't even think that I could read.....and frankly I don't blame you.

Well, there are two book reviews today so I will be more "all over the board" in the next review because I have A LOT to complain about the next book. This one however happened to be one of those books where ya learn stuff so you can be more smarter!

Essentially it is a book about the study of logic. It does a good job delineating classical and modern schools of logic (for classical think Aristotle, for modern think math class). The author Graham Priest promises no formulas or at very least no math greater than basic high school algebra. What Graham failed to think about is how little I payed attention in Algebra. Most of my Algebra II class was spent breaking pencils apart and throwing them across the room at my friend Jeff because I was bored and had no interest in learning it. Sometimes, mainly when I am taking some kind of test that involves math, I regret that decision...however, that feeling passes quickly.

It was a good solid introduction to the major concepts of the study of logic. It was not an easy read by far but I was glad that I did read it. As such, I give the book;

Vroom, Vroom, Vro (2 1/2 "Vroom's" on my motorcycle scale of awesomeness)

Next up (like immediately after this): "Sense and Sensibility" by Jane Austin

I Haven't Forgotten About You!!!!!

It's been like a week since the last book review/blog thingy on Facebook and I am sure quite a few (or none) of you are wondering if I fell off the face of the planet - you know because that can happen. Well, no sorry to disappoint you but I am still here! I actually have turned into those people that I used to mock incessantly and I am currently reading three books! One or more should be finished soon so do not despair! I am SUFFERING through "Sense and Sensibility" by Jane Austin, reading a book on Logic, and "Phoenix Noir". When I am done you'll get the whole unadulterated story I promise. Anyhoo, just wanted to let you know because I know you all were worried. Oh and now I have a blog thingy, I can rant and bitch about other things than books! I know I am excited at this idea!! lol

Book #6 Completed! "The Rule of Four" by Ian Caldwell & Dustin Thomason

Oh be warned my cyber-friends! I actually got some sleep last night (the first time in three days) therefore I fear that this book review is going to be longer and more ADD than you could ever expect!

Before I get to the book, because I always never get to the book right away, the reason why I have not gotten any sleep in the last three days is that my daughter gave birth to our first grandchild - Kaydynn Elizabeth - late on Thursday night. Mommy and baby are doing awesome and Kaydynn is absolutely adorable! I thought all along that the idea of being a grandparent at the age of 37 would really bother me but Kaydynn is way too cute, so it makes it all better :)

Needless to say with all of the going on's that have happened in the last 72 hours, the book reading train has slowed down a bit however I did find the time to finish the current book I have been working on: "The Rule of Four". Whist Kym was in labor and I was bored, I was trying to read the book and kept getting questions from the other family members that were at the hospital. "What's 'The Rule of Four'?", "Why don't you know?", "You know how to read?" and on and on.I don't know exactly how that part relates to anything but I am still kind of err at a few of them so I felt the need to vent - sorry.

Oh yeah book, sorry. Before I get into the book I need to make another interruption but I promise that it is related back story. So every since I read the book "This Side of Paradise" by F. Scott Fitzgerald, I have been obsessed with the idea of going to Princeton. I mean, not so much as to actually study and apply, but if I had a choice of going to school anywhere it would be Princeton. Why you may ask? That's a good question! Let me expound if you will....

Princeton, from all of the stories and movies I have exposed to, has such a romantic/nostalgic nature to it. Einstein taught there when he came to America, John Nash ("A Beautiful Mind" for those who need a reference) won the Nobel Prize while teaching at Princeton for his work on Game Theory, Fitzgerald was an alumnus of the school, Harold and Kumar went there looking for drugs in their adventure to White Castle (and I do love White Castle!), and on and on. So if you were going to pick an Ivy league school to attend, Princeton has to be your first choice. Now I know a few of you who watch more than football during your day might argue that there are some better Ivy league schools out there but you would be wrong. Harvard is always brought up because of people like Bill Gates or Mark Zuckenberg and whatnot. I concede that some famous and successful people have graduated from Harvard. In addition it is located in the Boston area which sounds like a blast. Although my next degree will be from Harvard (and it will, I have this all figured out and would tell you but you all would run right out and enroll and it would dilute my awesomeness so I'm keeping that secret to myself) its still not Princeton. Yale - who goes to Yale anymore? University of Pennsylvania - great business school but its in Philadelphia (ick!). Brown, Cornell, Columbia, Dartmouth? Bleh I say! None of them hold a candle to Princeton. Harvard is close but they will always be Princeton's little sister.

Ok so we have determined that I am obsessed with Princeton. Guess what??? The book is set at Princeton!!!! I honestly was so excited, it took the birth of my granddaughter for me not to read this book. This is a book I am not going to ruin for you but even if you take out my sick obsession with Princeton, its awesome. The New York times called it "Profoundly Erudite". I did not know what that meant so I had to look it up (hey...that wasn't on the MENSA test so :p). It basically means "really smart", and I agree with them. The story centers on these 4 roommates at Princeton (yay Princeton!) and their lives during the second half of their senior year and how they get involved in trying to solve a 500 year old puzzle contained in the book "Hypnerotomachia Poliphili". Puzzles are solved, relationships fall apart, friends fight, people die, it's at Princeton! - awesome book.

There is a saying that "there are many roads to Rome" and I agree with the first part of that statement however in my reading adventure - apparently there are many roads that lead to15th century Florence, for once again that is where the mystery book originates. If you had any interest in the book I reviewed "The Birth of Venus" (why I don't know), you definitely can skip that now because "The Rule of Four" goes over the exact same historical information about the late 1400's in Florence that the "Birth of Venus" did - and does it in about 5 pages versus 300+ (and its set at Princeton! Yay Princeton!).

I saw as I was looking up the photo for this review that they are even making a movie coming out in 2011!! Awesome!!!

Ergo, I give "The Rule of Four" a rating of:

Vroom, Vroom, Vroom, Vroom, Vro (4 1/2 Vroom's on the motorcycle scale of awesomeness)

Next up: I have two choices: one is sci-fi fantasy which I am scared of and the other is about the secret service. I have not decided just yet but I will let you all know!

Book #5 Completed! "Never Have Your Dog Stuffed and Other Things I've Learned' by Alan Alda

O.k. take two! (I had this half done when my stupid laptop decided to auto shut down to do "updates". Needless to say it almost ended up going out the window and into the yard)

So where was I...oh yeah: Irony. Let's talk for a moment about Irony.

Before that however, did you know that February 1865 is the only month in recorded history that did not contain a full moon? This relates nothing to the book or my discussion about irony, but I did want you to a least learn something new for your time and trouble! :)

Oh yeah, back to irony. So this book is a bit out of bounds of my self imposed rules for this adventure. See, I never figured I would read one whole book and definitely not four. As such, with "The Birth of Venus", I ran out of books for the moment. I had plans of making it to the local Goodwill to pick up some more however I had not had the chance yet. This meant I had to go to what I call the "roulette wheel of chance" also known as bookcases in the den.

I go to the bookcases and after saying "no" to Nora Roberts for about the 100th time, I stumble across this autobiography by Alan Alda that seems to have some promise to it. I will get into the book here in a few moments but what I want to talk about is how this book got on the bookcase in the first place. Neither Melissa or I bought it so it did not come from us. If memory serves me correct, I believe someone Melissa knows gave her the book to read thinking one of us may like it. Regardless, It has been sitting on the bookcase since whenever that occurred. Strangely, as I was reading it, I wanted to know more about why we had it in the first place and why no one had read it to this point. This is when I turned the book over to look at the back and guess what I found...

A library inventory sticker from "Pierce County Library". I have no idea where the hell Pierce County is but I found it terribly ironic that after my tirade against the public library system that one of the very next books would be a long term borrow from a library. I laughed and laughed....

Oh, not to be completely ADD but does anyone think I should just make this a blog on blogspot or whatnot? See, my friend won a MAJOR AWARD for her blog (props Cat) and I like winning awards and stuff so I was just wondering.

Oh yeah, the book. The reason why we are here right. Anyway, Alan Alda - for those of you who don't remember, he played Hawkeye on the hit television show M.A.S.H., and that work made him famous. The book chronicles his life from the early days of his mother and father being in vaudeville, through the M.A.S.H. years, and up to his more current work on Scientific American and Broadway plays. In case you are wondering, he is still alive, or so Wikipedia tells me.

Having read my brain numb about physics, 15th century Florence, and Dante - this book was a refreshing change. Not much to think about or judge. Alda writes about his life in a very cerebral and self-deprecating way (much like that of his acting). It was an easy and enjoyable read but I felt that there was something missing. See, I have seen every episode of M.A.S.H. and, I feel like a lot of others, liked the first four or so seasons and then it became serious or drama-esque as I would put it. I didn't like this change and I know as Alan Alda grew in power and influence over the show, he had more opportunities to write and direct the show. As such, I blame him for this shift in television philosophy and have never really forgiven him for that. Essentially I wanted an apology and got none. Nevertheless, he does write well so I give the book:

Vroom, Vroom, Vroom and a wheelie for being a stolen library book (3 Vrooms on the motorcycle scale of awesomeness plus bonus points for its origin).

Now for the future: Next book (as I resolved the Goodwill issue) will be "The Rule of Four" by Ian Caldwell and Dustin Thomason. I had "Grapes of Wrath" in my hand but could not pull the trigger just yet on that one because it looked boring and depressing and though I know I should read it, I felt that would have caused this whole exciting adventure to derail. Also, I'm "thinking" about getting a Glenn Beck book because Steve has been all pissed off today at liberals and taxes and I understand that this Glenn Beck fellow is some demigod in the conservative world and I kind of want to understand more. We will see....

Oh, and did you know that most lipstick contains fish scales? Sweet dreams my friends!

Book #4 Completed! "The Birth of Venus" by Sarah Dunant

First off, before you read this let it be known that I am probably going to ruin this book for you so if you have not read it, and for some crackpot reason you plan on it, I suggest you move on....

With that out of the way, "The Birth of Venus" by Sarah Dunant highlights the dangers of judging a book by its cover. Well, insofar as the cover is attractive and the inside is full of crap. As you can see from the handy dandy picture that I have posted below, the cover contains pretty colors and part of a painting from the renaissance. It lured me to it at the local goodwill with its false promises and good looks. It was like when you go to the movies and see an awesome preview and are totally amped to go see a film and once you go, you find out all of the good parts were in the 3 minute preview that you saw. Depressing and disappointing.

Now, Sarah Dunant dedicates this book to her mother and her three daughters. Not that I am a prude or anything, but she uses some words in this book that I would never use and definitely not around my daughters or my mom. Plus she is British and I am still a bit annoyed at the two times they started wars with us. Go America!!!

The plot is bleh. There is this chick who lives with her parents in Florence and hates living at home, is oppressed, blah blah blah. She gets married to a much older guy who is a bit creepy (not that marrying a 16 year old is creepy enough when you are FORTY-EIGHT, but I digress...) in an arraigned marriage. Come to find out that new husband knows the family, in the biblical way, and....AND it's not his mom or sister he has been fooling around with....Its her BROTHER!!! Imagine her surprise at this nugget of knowledge! Anyway, she fools around with him anyway in order to try and have a kid and she fools around with some painter and he fools around with the brother (do you see a pattern?) and so on and so forth.

So she has a kid and there is a whole "Jerry Springer" feel about the situation because OF COURSE she does not know who her baby daddy is. Then hubby fakes is own death, runs away with the brother and she and her new daughter end up in some progressive convent for the formerly wayward but now are chaste. BUT THEN painter boy shows up (like 10 years later) and she is supposed to be a full on nun but they fool around anyway. IN THE NUNNERY!!

There was not one point in this book that I could not have just put it down or gave up and threw it in the fire. I only finished because I did not have another book and I was bored. Therefore, despite getting glowing reviews from actual literary sources, I give it a...

OH NO! The motorcycle fell off the kickstand!!!! (translation: zero VROOMS on the motorcycle awesomeness scale)

Next up: I have no clue because I never imagined I would make it through four books. Stay tuned.

Book #3 Completed! "The Dante Club" by Matthew Pearl

I think with this book I have tripled my leisure reading total from the last 4 years. Before getting on about the book, I was told by one of my fabulous readers that I should "support my local library" instead of my plan for purchasing my books at Goodwill. I feel this is a poor plan on several fronts. In an effort to find evidence to bolster my argument, I did a Google search on "why libraries should not exist" and found ZERO results. I find this disturbing on several fronts given that we live in the most opinionated country in the world so I assumed someone must have taken the time and effort to create a web page lamenting about the evils of the public library system but alas I was disappointed. I personally would take up this crusade however I am lazy, don't know anything about web page design, and really don't care THAT much. Having said that, here is my argument on why using the library system is a bad idea:

1. They expect the books back! I mean seriously - it's like borrowing or something.

2. If you fail to return said books, they turn into Blockbuster and charge you.

3. When you are a deadbeat like me and don't return the books, the library has to buy more books - and that money comes from the city government. The city government gets their money from us as taxpayers.

4. Following that logic, I may have to pay MORE taxes to buy books

5. The additional taxes I would have to pay are far and away more than I would spend on books at Goodwill, especially since we all know that I am going to lose interest in this endeavor very quickly.

6. If you don't like their books, they don't let you write in them to improve the story or just burn them to get some value out of the experience (see #1).

7. People at the library scare me. They all seem to be just there to use the free internet.

8. I'm still mad that they did away with the card catalog system - it was such an easier way to window show without all of the requisite walking.

I think I more than proved my point. I'm pretty smart so I would know if I was wrong :p

Anyway, about the book! It is "The Dante Club" by Matthew Pearl. It is what I would consider "historical fiction" and is set in Boston in 1865. The premise of the book is that these famous poets of the 19th century (Holmes, Elliot, Longfellow, et al.) are tasked with providing the first American translation of Dante's "Divine Comedy". During the course of events, hilarity does not ensure but rather the town is shocked by a series of gruesome murders of prominent citizenry and, shock and amazement, they are all committed in a fashion related to Dante's "Inferno". These famous poets, being the only smart and non-corrupt people in the greater Boston area, are the only one's who can solve the case. And stuff happens and they do. The end.

Matthew Pearl is a Harvard grad who has a degree is something awesome (because he attended Harvard) and graduated Summa Cum Laude. His writing style is very careful to use the language and tone of the middle of the 19th century, which takes probably 30-50 pages to get used to. Once the reader adjusts, it is a fantastic book. I, being the profiteer that I am, could see the movie rendition in my head with the guy who played Dumbledore in Harry Potter playing the role of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. The only problem was that I envisioned the first Dumbledore and I am pretty sue he is dead. This will make casting a bit difficult...

So in summary - libraries are bad, "The Dante Club" is good. So much so that I give it...

Vroom, Vroom, Vroom, Vroom, Vro (4 1/2 "Vrooms" on my motorcycle of awesomeness reading scale)

Next up: "The Birth of Venus" by Sarah Dunant

Book #2 Completed! - "A Brief History of Time" by Professor Stephen Hawking

This reading stuff is E A S Y! I already knocked out two books this week (and am almost done with the third for that matter, TYVM!).

Oh yeah - the book. Yes, Stephen Hawking is the guy in the wheelchair and is a world renown physicist that most people I know probably only know of as someone "Family Guy" makes fun of every now and again. But that's OK - I can work with that.

It is a book on physics and oddly easier to read than the Zen/Motorcycle book. Professor Hawking explains a whole lot of science in this book from quarks to theoretical string theory approaches in order to create a Grand Unified Theory. I would go into further detail but really I don't think you care. Watch "Big Bang Theory" on CBS and you will pick up the highlights when Penny is not talking. Got it at goodwill once again and I was shocked and amazed that someone would just give it away. It is a keeper foshoo!

and my rating:

VROOM, VROOM, VROOM, VRO (3 1/2 Motorcycle VROOM's)

Next up: The Dante Club by Matthew Pearl

Book #1 Completed! "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintience" by Robert M. Pirsig

Yay for book one being completed! And I even read all of the pages! Go me!!!!

So I found this gem at a local goodwill store as I was putting the final mental touches on this read in 2011 fiasco of a plan. If you know me, and some of you do, you know that I am currently obsessed with getting a motorcycle. Ergo, I saw this and thought "........well crap, If I am going to read this doesn't look too bad". Anyhoo - So I was not sure about the whole "zen" part but the idea of learning how to care and maintain my future motorcycle sounded exciting therefore I jumped right into this one first.

WOW! People really read for fun???? This book was NOT about motorcycle maintenance and ALL about MENTAL ILLNESS. The setting, plot, premise - whatever you well read people say to describe what a book is about - is a father/son motorcycle (only one motorcycle mind you) journey from Minnesota to the West Coast. If you want to NOT learn about motorcycles but rather would like a crash course in philosophy, Immanual Kant, or just run of the mill schizophrenia - then this is the book for you. Fair being fair, It was interesting and I learned new things so it was not all bad. As such, I give it a rating of:

VROOM, VROOM, VROOM (on my 5 VROOM motorcycle scale)

2011

So....I guess it is 2011 already (just in case you had not heard). With the turning of the new year, it is once again time for many to lament about the end of the holiday season, worry about the extra pounds that they put on, or concern themselves with what they did not accomplish in the previous year. This self reflection time fluidly transitions into many people's minds the idea of how they can better themselves or, in other words, what they are going to resolve to accomplish during the next year.

I say that these resolutions are fools gold! I have never understood why people use some arbitrary date such as New Year's Day or their birthday to make changes in their lives. If there is something you don't like about your life - then change it. Who cares if it is the second Tuesday in August? These new year resolutions are window dressing for the deeper problem which is people don't really want to change. Deep down, they lack the motivation or desire to change or, frankly, are just afraid of change itself. As such, most of these endeavors fail - epically.

So knowing this, i have decided to make a "resolution" of my own for the new year - knowing full well that I am going to break it as soon as I can lol. What is the resolution you may ask (assuming you did not get tired of my preaching by now and went on to some funny you-tube clip that one of your other, cooler, friends linked in their status)? It is reading!

Here is the problem - I read all of the time. The only problem is that they are research papers, or textbooks, or some other mundane thing that I HAVE to do. As such, I have grown to detest the idea of reading for fun. I mean, that is why God invented movies right? That being all well and good, one of my friends posted a article here on Facebook about the top 100 classic books of all time and in reviewing the list, I became horrified at the low number of books I actually have read that did not deal with schoolwork or business related topics. At that moment, I vowed I would read more. Well, "vow" is probably too strong of a word - more like "thought it would be a novel idea" is more accurate.

But wait, there is more! Wanting to read more is just really not enough for me so I have decided to make a game of it. To make it more challenging I have decided to swear off Barnes and Noble and all of their evil offspring. Instead I shall bargain hunt for books of interest at Goodwill or the like since I also am quite fond of treasure hunting. In addition, I have decided to turn this into my personal blog about the book adventure for as long as it lasts (odds are that I will get bored, too busy, or lose interest in about 10 days but only the future knows what is in store). In addition, being the super awesome student I am, I shall be sharing my book reading progress in the form of little mini-reports.

I know, I know - this is all very exciting! I empathize with you wanting to go out and riot in the streets in celebration but I urge you to consider the good of greater society and temper your celebrations for the time being. I promise you...well nothing to be honest. So I guess we will see what we get.

In the beginning....

Well, it took me all of three words to lie to you. I guess you should come to expect that if you are going to read or follow my blog (though I don't know why you would follow it if you were not going to read it, but I digress). See, this is not something new but rather the evolution of a recent obsession of mine. For the start of the new year, I half-assed resolved to read more books and share my thoughts, feelings, and book reviews with my friends on Facebook. Well, that has been going swimmingly however I have run into a few mental obstacles along the way. The paramount challenge is the fact that my friend (thinkingcat.blogspot.com) has this blog she does and as each day passes she gets more readers and is starting to win awards. I wanna win awards dammit! That was not going to happen if I just kept it on Facebook for the amusement of my small circle of friends. Ergo, I have decided to branch out and take this adventure to the next level (and hopefully win some awards too!).

In order to bring everyone up to speed, I will be transferring the Facebook posts over in the next day so everyone can start at the same place. Well, that is really all I got right now....umm yeah so you should go do something else now and I will tell you when it's time to come back o.k.? Well, better not rely on me for that so maybe you should just check back periodically and see what is new because I am sure I will forget to tell you to read this. Yeah, I like that plan the best!