Book #21 Completed! "The Beautiful and the Damned" by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Ok - this pains me a bit but I have to recant something first....

If you have been following my blog (the whole two of you) - you will remember back in the beginning that there was a huge rant about how libraries should be shut down because they were a drain on society. Well, I might have been a little wrong about this. See, I was told about this service that the Phoenix library system has where you can check out audiobooks or books that will play on your Nook and the only qualification is that you have to have a library card from Phoenix or one of the surrounding cities. So I checked it out and it is pretty awesome (and free which is the only thing that makes it awesome but that is good enough to make the whole situation awesome if you are following). Anyway, knowing that I used to have a library card, I stopped by the library last week to see about getting a replacement. Here is a bullet pointed summary of my experience:

• 1 homeless guy (with a shopping cart) sitting right by the front door smoking (he HAD to have bummed that cigarette because they are like 9 dollars a pack now unless you go to the reservation and his outfit did not scream "mode of transportation")
• 6 Mormon missionaries using the free computers (You can tell because they all wear short sleeve white dress shirts and name tags - though I don't know why they wear name tags because it's obvious who they are and I don't even know what store one can go into anymore to buy a white short sleeve dress shirt) probably surfing porn
  
• 25 really old people using the other computers (I checked the parking lot for the bus from the old folks home but I think the driver went to the strip club while the elderly used the library computers to google the "good old days" or porn)
  
• 2 very obvious drug dealers (I mean they were either drug dealers or killers for a gang and I am giving them the benefit of the doubt)

So I asked the nice library lady to give me a new card and OMG they charge 2 dollars for a replacement - even though I have not used it in like 7 years. WTF do I sometimes pay taxes for??? Oh, and they sure are like blockbuster as I guessed since she nailed me for late fees from 2004! Jerks!

Regardless, I fixed all that and paid them their blood money. Now I can check out all the audio and ebooks that I want and review them here - aren't you happy!

So the book is "The Beautiful and the Damned" by F. Scott Fitzgerald. This is the second book Fitzgerald wrote and it came out in 1922. The main character is Anthony Patch, a Harvard grad who is living the easy life in New York City. A trust fund baby if you will as he does not have any semblance of a real job but rather lives off the income of a small trust fund. His basic goal in life is to lay about and do nothing but drink and make out with girls all the while waiting for his uber rich grandfather to die so he can inherit the family fortune (as he is said grandfather's closest living relative). So Anthony goes about the business of doing nothing and meets this girl named Gloria. Gloria is beautiful and like most very attractive people, she is afflicted by the knowledge that she is good looking and uses that to get whatever she wants. Outside of her beauty, she is vapid and a complete bore (to me as a reader - Anthony is smitten with her). So of course he likes her and she is fairly disinterested. Well, he woos her and they end up together. At this point I have to say that I doubt her intentions because she is supposedly an "A" and Anthony is like a "B" however Anthony is the heir to his grandfathers 40 million dollar fortune. I'm just saying that it might not have been "love" per se but rather another of the seven deadly sins that was motivating her.

Anyway, they get hitched and still do nothing. Well, nothing as in work - they go out with their friends and party. They drink and spend money and drink some more and spend some more money. They find a summer home somewhere not in New York City and stay there and drink and party and spend money. And then they spend some more money and drink some more. Well, unfortunately - gramps comes a vistin' one day during one of their benders and is not pleased because he is a reformer and big believer in clean living and all that stuff. Andrew and Gloria become concerned for their future inheritance that they seem to be already spending. They get back to New York and realize that their money is running out quicker than they had planned. They still however continue to drink and socialize. The old man kicks and guess what - Anthony has been left out of the will. The situation turns worser (because that's a real word per my declaration). World War I is going on and Anthony applied to be an officer but is turned down due to high blood pressure however he is well enough to be drafted into the army as a private (great luck there buddy!). He goes away. All the while, Anthony and Gloria are doing two things - suing the estate of the grandfather for being unlawfully written out of the will and growing farther apart (which I blame partly on Anthony being a boozer and Gloria being a greedy bitch). Anthony is sent to the South for boot camp. Of course he meets some townie and becomes smitten with her. It is unclear whether or not Anthony actually put his gun in that holster however it is implied and he was totally playing with that girls feelings. Back in New York, Gloria is really just doing nothing but hanging out. She gets put in some awkward situations but all in all she is oddly the moral one at this point. They keep losing lawsuits about the inheritance and they get progressively more depressed and unattractive as individuals.

The war ends and Anthony comes home. They are are poorer than before and still lazy ass is not working. Prohibition has started and though you can get booze, it is more expensive - which does not stop him from drinking of course. He goes out to find work and tries his hand at door to door sales. This is an epic failure because he has to get drunk to knock on doors. He quits that job after two days. It seems they have hit a new low where they don't love each other, they have no money, their friends have all left them, and they are just miserable. But it gets worse!

On the day that they are supposed to find out the appellate court ruling on the case of the estate, the hillbilly chick shows up at Anthony's door proclaiming her ever lasting love for him. He loses his mind and I think beats the crap out of her. It is alluded to but not explicit. Anyway, Gloria is not home because she went to the court to see the judgement. She comes home to find that Anthony has had a complete mental breakdown and is like a drooling child now. Well, the kick in the Y is that the appellate court ruled in their favor and they are richer than all get out now. Maybe you should have gotten a JOB Anthony!

Otherwise I liked the book. Not the best work of Fitzgerald but not the worst. I say we give it:

"Vroom, Vroom, Vroom" (3/5 "Vroom's" on the motorcycle scale of awesomeness)